Locked Inside My Head

I sometimes wonder how much of my personality is me and how much is a reaction to the ache. When I was a young girl reading "To Kill a Mockingbird," I loved loud music and screaming along at the top of my lungs. I was full of energy and loved being in crowds of people. I never would have imagined that I would come to identify with Mrs. Dubose. She was a loner who was mean and hateful to everyone because of her constant pain. I've learned to control the anger that comes with the headaches....mostly. What I don't know how to handle is my recent feeling of desperation. In one week, I will try botox. It is a neurotoxin supposed to kill the neurons responsible for reporting pain. I can only hope it will work. If not, at least my dog will be here to sneeze all over my face when I get sad. (Like he just did ) :)